I’ve been able to observe and to personally bare witness to some of the most distasteful acts of mothers who live vicariously through their daughters and are secretly envious and jealous of them. Before I go any further into the discussion I want to point out that just because, your mother envies or is jealous of you does not mean that she doesn’t care for you or love you in any way.
Mother/daughter sabotaging has a lot to do with the mother wanting control over the daughters life and not allowing her daughter/s any autonomy. In regards to happiness some mothers have had miserable life experiences where they are unhappy with and wished that their lives would have produced different results.
I call this the bitter mom syndrome, typically she herself has a bad and very negative childhood upbringing where she developed bad characteristics to her personality which turned into very bad habits. These bad habits and lack of good quality character traits hinder her personal development into adulthood. This can effect her cognitive skills, interpersonal skills, and other self identifying things that go along with the personality.
Most of the mothers that engage in sabotaging their daughters relationships are usually up in age 35+ single, have always had unfulfilling or very rocky and abusive relationships, lack accomplishments or have very little to show for what they have accumulated, no job, bad job or unhappy career choice and severe loneliness.
Mothers that fit this description usually end up projecting, taking out and imputing a lot of their inner frustrations on their daughters which can ccompletely devistate her life as well.
We’ve all heard the old saying misery loves company but, its a little bit deeper then just that on the surface. We have to understand that this sabotaging behavior stems from deep emotional and psychological imbalances. In most cases the mother fears abandonment and rejection. What she teaches her daughter will in many ways be centered around manipulation and controlling to compel her to always be there for her mother and to never stray or abandon her.
Essentially the mother begins to unleash the psychological warfare (mind games) on her very own daughter. In this state of mind the child is seen as an object or purely as some type of investment even up into adulthood. As I’ve said before the daughters own needs for her independence and autonomy is suppressed. Any attempts at becoming happy without it being from the mother’s cause is ridiculed and made into a mockery in an attempt to further create codependence in the mother.
These types of mothers always need someone around and fear being alone and will do anything to keep you in the same predicament that their in….miserable and unhappy. These types of mothers also have no problem with purposely misleading or giving false information to their daughters just to hinder their progress.
Why would any mother want to sabotage their daughters progress.The primary reason is selfishness…if they’re raising you, providing for you, and being what they deem to be a good mother to you then, you owe them everything big time! Keep in mind normal mothers that have a stable mind do for their daughters out of love, a sense of responsibility, and natural motherly instincts but, the mothers that im describing have an objective for what they do for you and it always has something to do with providing for them.
Again, their outlook is since I raised you…you owe me period! She will use Guilt Tripping Tactics combined with shaming you into bending to her needs before your own needs. This is to force you to choose her over something good that make be taking more of your time and attention away from her. Basically anything that she sees good for you…especially if it a man with alot of good qualities is going to set her off into that sabotaging envy for you. Yeah she might compliment and give her blessings at first as a decoy but, underneath she’s already begun to plotting against what you have going for you. Sometimes she may even give you bad advice on purpose just as an attempt to cause complications and confusion within your mind.
You being happy and moving on away from her control means no company to share the misery with and even more your possible enjoyment of happiness is a sure way to leave her alone without anyone to share sob stories with. Being alone and miserable is something that nobody wants to go through especially if you don’t have happiness in your life.
If you’re a daughter that has experienced this or going through this currently you have to figure out a way to see that yes….your own mother may be envious of you and may not want to see you happy. This means you will have to become very selective about the information that you give to her and the advise that you might be getting might no be to your best benefit.
The Understandable Way 